LeBron James Grows A Pair

Someone should inform LeBron James that what he’s doing isn’t all that serious or important. There’s a lot of money involved, but stop acting like you’re on House of Cards. Every time a championship is won in a major sport, someone on the broadcast opines that this will “Go down in the history books.” What history books? You mean sandwiched between Vietnam and climate change? Can you even remember who won two years ago? James has a deep belief that he’s been targeted with unjust criticism, and carries with him a sizable martyr complex. This entails rarely smiling and pretending there’s a gag order against him, peppered with cases of immature passive aggressive bitching. His friends also probably let him win at video games. Charles Barkley, probably while drunk, recently commented on LeBron’s petulance. 

“Inappropriate. Whiny. All of the above. The Cleveland Cavaliers, they have given him everything he wanted. They have the highest payroll in NBA history. He wanted J.R. Smith last summer, they paid him. He wanted [Iman] Shumpert last summer. They brought in Kyle Korver. He’s the best player in the world. Does he want all of the good players? He don’t want to compete?”

This irked LeBron, who took a break from ordering a custom bust of his dick to sound off against Barkley: 

“I’m not the one who threw somebody through a window. I never spit on a kid. I never had unpaid debt in Las Vegas. I never said, ‘I’m not a role model.’ I never showed up to All-Star Weekend on Sunday because I was in Vegas all weekend partying. All I’ve done for my entire career is represent the NBA the right way. Fourteen years, never got in trouble. Respected the game. Print that.” 

It’s tough to argue with LeBron’s point. He’s basically the Golden Child. Barkley is a notorious drunken golfing gambler. LeBron’s only slip up was bitch slapping Cleveland by airing The Decision, and now he’s made that right by winning a title and restoring the city’s economy. If you look at a balanc sheet, everyone should like LeBron more than Barkley.

Yet, the pendulum is nearly in the opposite direction. Barkley is beloved where as people hate LeBron but can’t tell you why. There’s a powerful lesson to be learned here. Attitude goes a long way. Nobody likes a little bitch, even a little bitch bigger than a truck. If LeBron made a point to enjoy himself instead of pretending he’s running an aircraft carrier in the Gulf of Tonkin it would work wonders. Men of Barkley’s generation drank and banged whores. LeBron’s a cry baby whose hobbies are fashion, business dealings, and taking Instagram photos of himself on yachts. LeBron can’t escape his Millennial heritage. It sucks, because he doesn’t look like the rest of them.

_{Photo Credit: ESPN}