Eric Holder Cha-Chings Again With Uber

Former Obama administration Attorney General Eric Holder was one crafty motherfucker. That’s not the worst thing you can say about a lawyer. It might be the best. While his fellow party members wallowed over the Clinton loss last November, Holder put out a shingle as a connected hatch-it man in the fight against Trump era fascism. Everybody chuckled, until Holder’s first retainer check for $25K a month from the State of California to help them stave off Trump’s Mexi-concentration camps.

After a female engineer at Uber published a diary of her last sexual harassment filled year at Uber, CEO Travis Kalanick brought in Holder to do a very expensive top to bottom investigation of something. Do you really care about your female employees? Pay Eric Holder.

This wasn’t supposed to happen in tech. It’s a protected class of Big Business that carry water for humanitarian causes such as let’s bring in a shit ton of smart Indian dudes to undercut the domestic labor force. Have you seen New Dehli? This is a refugee crisis. There’s free Frosted Flakes in the fully stocked break room. Mumbai’s the word.

Uber was notably kicked off the Silicon Valley nice list when Kalanick agreed to be on Trump’s business advisory council and the company itself refused to participate in the anti-travel ban protest strike by cabbies in New York. Irate women on HuffPo insisted they’d all be using Lyft henceforth to retrieve their in-store Lululemon torn yoga pants refunds. Arianna Huffington was less adamant seeing as how she’s an Uber board member. All of these firms are incestuously owned by the same small number of billionaires and tech venture firms.

It’s unclear if Uber engineer Susan Fowler’s shameful secrets of Uber exposed letter was in concert with anti-Uber Trump is Hitler war efforts or if Uber really is a shitty disorganized mismanaged hangout for socially dysfunctional men and this was natural whistleblower timing. You couldn’t go wrong by betting both. Either way, Holder cashes in. He’s going to help companies be politically whole again one six-figure paycheck at a time. 

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