Courtney Stodden Aging Gracefully

Courtney Stodden is divorcing husband Doug Hutchison even though the two are continuing to live together since neither can independently afford rent in Los Angeles. Contrary to fairy tales, the pedophile you meet at fifteen never turns out to be your real soul mate. It’s all explained in non peer reviewed psychiatric articles.

Stodden told Fox News that she’s definitely ready to mingle and quite open to a lesbian relationship. She only had a week’s advance notice and this was the most commercial idea she could compose. It was that or ‘I sneak cat food when nobody’s looking’. Girl on girl seemed more SEO friendly.

I like guys who are funny and you know, successful and girls too! You know, I mean, I’m bi so why not some girls too?

Is that rhetorical? Because women would hate you and they won’t pretend otherwise because they don’t have a dick they’re dying to rub between your enormous fake tits. 

It’s hard to remember that Stodden is merely twenty-two years of age. That’s because she looks like she formerly stripped for soldiers on leave during Vietnam. She’s fossilizing like those poor kids on Oprah who age ten years every one trip around the sun. Find the friend who told you a Clorox dip was a safe and cheaper alternative to the salons and sue their pants off. Something for your golden years, which start next week.

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