Amanda Knox Gay For The Stay

Amanda Knox seems too crazy to be presumed innocent of murder. She has that look in her eyes. Her boyfriend is a pseudo intellectual hipster doofus. She was also a real hell kitten in the sack. She may be into the occult and probably believes in witches. All of these things point to mental instability. It’s unclear if she has a tramp stamp. Probably.

She has now penned a letter about a lesbian relationship she had in Italian prison, as part of a series called “Love is a Hoax.” That sounds exactly like something a killer would say. The letter reads like a shitty romance novel and centers around her relationship with a chick named Leny. The name was changed to Leny to protect her identity. You’re in an Italian prison. You couldn’t make it Gabriela or Angelina something sexy? This is already getting me less hot and bothered: 

“Every day, Leny watched me jog around the yard (a rectangular outdoor area roughly a quarter of the size of a football field), and eventually worked up the nerve to say hello. I was cautiously friendly. We walked the perimeter together. She told me she was a lesbian and I told her I was straight. Leny told me about how, in Italy, she had experienced a lot of judgement and closed-mindedness. I sympathized. When I was 14, a rumor went around my Catholic high school that I was a lesbian, alienating me from everyone but a small group of my classmates. Later, I became an LGBTQ ally and helped found the Gay-Straight Alliance at my high school. When I told her that, Leny grinned ear-to-ear. Afterwards, she scampered, puppy-like, alongside me as I paced the exercise yard—the next day, and the day after that, and eventually every day.”

Cut to Leny and Amanda Knox scissoring on a coarse blanket made of piglet hair. Knox’s point is that she’s not gay, she was just gay in prison, and it’s basically an adaptation to remain sane. We can probably get behind that. If you’re a chick. If not, then you’re gay when you’re out of the stay too. It’s like being an alcoholic. You may not have a drink for forty years, but when you go to the meetings you still rightly announce yourself as an alcoholic.

If you read the whole thing, Knox seems pretty out there. What percentage of crazy chicks dabble in lesbianism? Roughly a hundred. The evidence is really piling up, maybe Italy should consider trying her for the seventh time for the same crime. They used to be much bigger on vendettas.

_{Photo Credit: Egotastic}