Abby Wambach Makes an Honest Woman Out of Christian Blogger She’s Banging

There was no greater love story of 2016 than Abby Wambach who ditched the wife who helped her through multiple substance abuse rehabs and DUIs so she could bed married straight Christian blogger Glennon Doyle Melton. Turning Melton was a big score for the LGBTQ community. They abhor outspoken Christians, which seems fair, given the vice-versa. Convincing a high-profile religious married mom of two to saddle up to Wambach poon was a massive score. The fourteen point play in Jesus football. 

Wambach and Melton went through the cliched steps to explain why they were leaving their respective spouses. Soulmates, what can you do? For Melton at forty-something and suddenly gay, this meant a tortured explanation about how her kids and even her soon to be ex-husband would be enriched by her going down on her butch each evening. Looking back on the decade of cutting, kids, you’ll realize you way overreacted. Yes, Aunt Abby is coming to your graduation, why wouldn’t she?

Wambach and Melton have shared many a romantic moment on social media with captions gooey than their scissor kissing residue. With two women in a romantic relationship, there’s nobody there to suggest, ‘maybe that’s too much’. The lesbian lovers trumped themselves with a Facebook announcement of their engagement.

Abby and I have decided to hold hands forever. Love Wins.

I don’t know. Your combined records of that ‘love forever’ commitment is pretty shoddy. One of you is troubled drug addict former athlete with a wake of broken commitments in your past. The other a chick with a history of mental illness who realized one day while taking her kids to middle school that she wanted to finger bang a chick with an Olympic gold medal. It’s poor form to wager on the future happiness of a new couple. Though if you were forced to bet, “against” might be the smart play if you can find any takers. 

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