Actors Are Not People

W Magazine published a spread of actresses young and old who will likely be up for awards this January and February when Hollywood stands in a circle and jerks off on one another. Not the black people obviously. 

Seeing the various glamor pictorials of the A-list acting set at the beginning of each year is a reminder that outside of the ninety minutes you spend watching their movies, you could largely do without them. You might have friends who are plumbers or real estate agents or insurance fraud investigators. You’d never hang out with actors, not by choice.

Instinctively, you’re aware, you wouldn’t like these people. Even when somebody mentions how Emma Stone or Chris Pratt are unlike regular celebrities and super grounded, you know it’s all relative and you’d still want to punch them ten minutes into hanging out. These people don’t drink beer or watch ball games or tell dirty jokes. At best, they’re quiet. At worst, they won’t shut the fuck up about their craft or how Trump is Hitler, the science is settled.

You didn’t like these people when they went to high school with you. They’ve gotten worse. Straining to be kitschy photos don’t help. Topless photos help a little. 

_{Photo Credit: W Magazine}