Miles Teller and Emma Watson Put Out

Resting pussy face Miles Teller and UN Ambassador Emma Watson were originally slated to be the leads in La La Land, the white bread throwback musical that is going to win Best Picture at the Oscars this year because affirmative action has a glass ceiling. According to reports potentially reliable, Teller was offered four million to play the male dancing lead but his agents stood hard on six. He was eventually nixed from the lineup. Teller sent a ‘What the fuck, bro?’ text to the director. I would’ve fired him and punched him.

Emma Watson was offered even more cash but her demands on ‘rehearsals in London” and other scheduling particulars made her enough of a pain in the ass that Emma Stone’s permanent aw shucks smile seemed like a superior hire. Ryan Gosling stepped in for Teller because he likes Stone. There’s always another Emma out there to do the multi-million dollar job you won’t. The rest is history.

Teller and Watson are now ranting at their CAA agents looking for somebody to blame for quashing their dream of being on the big stage thanking the brilliance of their director and offering a vague semblance of a political message on Muslim immigrant unity. If you know actors, you know affirmation and accolade beats money. Especially when you already have a ton of money. It’s all about applause. In some ways, no different than millionaire rappers who can’t help still take up arms in revenge drive-by’s. Respect. Though the kind for white kids with Ivy league theater degrees.