Jessica Alba Likely Already Dead

 

A video posted by Jessica Alba (@jessicaalba) on Jan 15, 2017 at 6:10pm PST

Assuming a large upper arm tattoo takes some careful planning and premeditation for a life together, you have to be shaking deep in your soul when a random cop rolls up to show off a mega-tat of you he has on his bicep. Do you know this person? You do not. Have you ever met this person? You have not. Why is he looking at an inking of you every morning flexing in the mirror?

Jessica Alba was outside a friend’s house when a police officer pulled over to show off his Dia de los Muertos style Jessica Alba tattoo on his arm. Alba’s initial reaction of “so cool” may have been authentic. But at some point, lying in bed with her children reading a book at night, the reality’s going to sink in. This is super fucking creepy. Why not his own girlfriend or favorite WNBA star? Who the fuck is a male Jessica Alba fan outside of dudes who imagine fucking her in twisted ways? My wife adores your baby wipes. You were powerful in Honey. 

I’d lock the doors and call the cops. Other cops.