Heather Locklear Rehab Refresher

Heather Locklear is returning to rehab. Technically speaking, her home is rehab and she occasionally returns to not rehab to tape occasional TV cameos and provide interviews to Japanese magazines on healthy living. You’d think somebody with a long history of arrests and interventions and drug and alcohol recoveries would have long ago stopped making up bullshit cover stories for checking into a Malibu mansion with pretty horses. You’d think wrong.

I am feeling great and am taking steps to enrich and better my life. Currently I am working on tying up some loose ends regarding certain issues so I can hit 2017 full steam ahead.

Are you checking back into rehab or taking a Quickbooks course to upgrade your employment profile? I’ve seen the same exact quip from a generic Asian 30-something on University of Phoenix marketing material.

Because even the most cagy addict has some kind of tell, Locklear has been posting pictures of her dog dressed in Christmas costumes. When you’re putting pajamas on dogs, start packing your own as well. The shuttle bus picks up at 8am outside the Brentwood Whole Foods. Full steam ahead.

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