Gwyneth Paltrow Entering Self Parody Zone

Mocking Gwyneth Paltrow means finding those moments when she’s not even trying to be horrible but the bitch leaks out. It’s invariably those times when Paltrow struggles to relate to the common woman and flubs. Queen Elizabeth has the self-awareness not to slap on sweats and try to blend at the mall. Own your lofty title and people will hate you less.

Paltrow took an InStyle magazine self-described reporter along with her on a day of Paltrow. Following an intense yoga workout, Paltrow poured herself and her tag-along a snifter of Pinot Noir:

“This is actually exactly how to be Gwyneth Paltrow,” Gwyneth says while pouring out a glass of wine.

Men know this as the moment to punch somebody in the nose. It’s the effete blond’s version of Draymond Green making the monster muscle pose after a dunk. Female bloggers chose to call Paltrow amazingly relatable because they would trade in all their stretch pants in the closet to work for Goop. Also, Hello Giggles is owned by Time which owns a dozen leading women’s lifestyle magazines and doesn’t want to be blacklisted by Paltrow’s publicist.

This isn’t Mike Wallace confronting Khomeini on camera. This is journalism in an era of media conglomeration. There’s not a chance in hell Paltrow drinks wine after workouts. Speaking in the third person is a definite.