The Genius of Baywatch Called into Question (VIDEO)

Every discussion about David Hasselhoff must begin and end with his vision that a television show featuring hot chicks in low cut swimsuits running in slow motion on the beach would be universally watched. There was softcore porn on cable and there was asexual family friendly programming on network and never the twain had met. Baywatch delivered masturbation material on over the air broadcast television. Men without cable were pleased. Women with limited talent got famous. Producers got rich. Everybody was happy.

The Baywatch reboot in movie form provides a prime example of how the cultural landscape has changed in twenty-five years. From one where people realized they could change the channel for shit that wasn’t for them, to one where everybody feels compelled to lay down a soap box in the middle of traffic and have their feelings acknowledged, if not legislated. From the trailers, the Baywatch film provides an homage to the times, tongue-in-cheeking much of the gratuitous body shots and pretense that lifeguards are bad-ass cops. They even throw in a ton of Rock and Efron abs to placate. To no avail. The outrage over cliched versions of women in skimpy swimsuits with tits bouncing has set many a loose fitting mom jeans on fire. To be quenched only by repeated viewings of simulated rape in 50 Shades Darker come Valentine’s Day.

The film producers presumably will only benefit from backlash. Sort of how the new President became President. Still, it’s impossible not to feel melancholy for a time when people used to shut the fuck up when they were anti-fun. Or at least worked their way up to the top of the school ranks as principal so they could legally enforce their personal codes of conduct. Everybody with a social media account is now a school principal. Hint, we know you’re drinking and visiting massage Thai massage parlors. Hypocrisy is the worst. Though waiting to see Baywatch before making any final rankings.