Sofia Vergara Sued By Her Own Embryos

When Nick Loeb was banging Sofia Vergara everybody assumed he had her passport and some kind of blackmail worthy content to make that all go down. Loeb has some cash for sure, but less than Vergara who is currently the highest income TV actress in the known universe. The pair created four embryos to plant into surrogates so none of them would have to put on baby weight. The first two failed inside the rented wombs of others. The couple split, leaving two embryos in the freezer everybody forgets to check before moving.

Loeb has fought for a couple years now to turn those embryos into people because presumably he can never make two better looking babies. He and Vergara had a pretty clear arrangement that unfreezing the embryos required both their consent. Loeb’s fought and failed numerous times to void this deal. Having a shitload of free time, lawyers, and one weird ass obsession with these frozen embryos, Loeb set up a trust fund for the embryos in Louisiana, a devoutly pro-life and apparently pro-embryos get to become babies state. He named the embryos Emma and Isabella, you know, after his great aunts who resembled the microscopic fertilized eggs. Then he arranged for the embryos to sue Vergara for their right to be born and inherit their trust fund. It seems like a long shot. It also seems like one of those plans so disturbingly crazy, it might work.

What has never been made clear is Loeb’s obsession with these embryos. He’s still fertile. He can make others. He’s putting on a very affected love life and babies dance. Vergara’s legal team already has on their witness list a couple of ex-girlfriends of Loeb who will testify that he paid for them to have abortions when they turned up pregnant with his potential child. You’d have to believe this is more one giant fuck you broken-hearted bitch move to hurt Vergara who left and married that big muscle guy from that gay vampire show. If so, that makes Loeb the chick in this particular failed relationship.

Embryo threats is not the business of any man. Men are here to fuck, and if a baby comes along, keep a shitty job to feed it. If you’re being handed a metal thermos and a lengthy memorandum of understanding to sign, walk away. Find a girl who rabidly favors partial birth abortion. She’s somewhat reprehensible, but you know she’ll do the right thing.

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