Lena Dunham’s Alternate Persona Apologizes

In an apology where she accepted zero responsibility, Lena Dunham said sorry to any women who may have felt slighted by her podcast comment that she wishes she had experienced an abortion of her own. It’s always awkward when somebody who declares themselves a champion of a social cause brazenly offends the entirety of the cause. Like farting in front of the queen. While pegging Prince Philip.

Once more, Dunham resorted to blaming her intellectual humor for the misperception of her idiotic comment on abortion. She didn’t hurt anybody’s feelings, her fictitious persona did, and she’s sorry you couldn’t follow the play within a play concept:

My words were spoken from a sort of ‘delusional girl’ persona I often inhabit — a girl who careens between wisdom and ignorance (that’s what my TV show is, too) and it didn’t translate. That’s my fault. I would never, ever intentionally trivialize the emotional and physical challenges of terminating a pregnancy.”

Dunham went on to declare that “literally” her entire life is dedicated to reproductive rights, which seems fairly extreme given that even abortion doctors also play golf or visit museums on the weekends. Dunham ended on a cutesy note, comparing her abortion rights messaging snafu to a curse jar penalty and let everyone know that the next hundred abortions were on her Planned Parenthood tab. 

CNN responded quickly by praising Dunham, though admitting as amazing as she is, you can’t hold her to the standard of perfect. She’s only super close to perfect. They failed to note that beyond Dunham being a mediocre talent and obnoxious cocksure slob, it’s pretty fucking rank to devote your entire life to making sure women get abortions.

There’s pro-choice, which most women lean toward and about half of men in one way or another, then there’s this outside the two standard deviations devotion to the act of abortion. So much so that you lament never having had an abortion yourself. You actually do wish you could have one. Like a happier kid dreams of Disney World. You’d volunteer at the surgery center if you got to dispose of the fetus and high five the mother. Pro-choice for you isn’t about a civil right, it’s about feeling empowered by destroying things and making other people feel horrible like you do on the inside. That’s plain creepy. If you weren’t so sluggish, you might be a real menace. Is that blood on your shirt or more spaghetti sauce? Abortion joke, from my other persona.