Lena Dunham Merely Looks Pregnant

Confucius probably said something about the zoo with no cages soon being empty. Now that social media has allowed unsolicited opinions to flow freely, the landscape of opinionated mother-in-laws has grown nearly infinite. Lena Dunham posted a picture of herself in a silken gown that freely showed off her perfectly normal and real woman type body. One of her chick fans congratulated her on being pregnant. Might as well have worn a white hood to a BLM pot luck.

Screeching ignited like nitrous oxide canisters in the final block of a road race for pink slips. The uptake, never ask a woman who celebrates over-eating as body affirmation if she’s expecting. Though it’s flattering to assume somebody would fuck her. In the midst of the snit, Lena Dunham entered to quiet her turkeys drowning in the rain:

Thank you! I’m not expecting but I did enjoy a large box of gluten free crackers prior to taking this image. It’s funny — folks have told me I looked pregnant/asked since I was 15 — I choose to embrace it as another curve like ass or boobs or hip.

Everyone agreed this was the perfect response. Except the breathless teen girl beat writers for Yahoo, HuffPo, and Buzzfeed who elevated the crackers response to “epic”.

You could wait a lifetime for somebody to recommend that perhaps if people are constantly asking you if you’re pregnant maybe you could drop a couple or thirty. Shame is a survival instinct. Gluttony and self-satisfaction have a much spottier track record. The number of people who didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton for associating Lena Dunham as a standard bearer has to be greater than her margin of defeat. This one’s on you, Lena. Name that kid, Ivanka.