The Kylie Jenner Promotional Program Seems Relatively Simple

Wake up. Arrange your tits into some semblance of barely covered. Ask your driver where he’s taking you that evening. Or don’t. We all had relatively uncomplicated jobs at nineteen. When Kylie Jenner gets older they’ll trust her with more complicated roles such as voicing opposition to the Armenian genocide and using the word “exhaustion” to describe your husband’s condition when nonstop sodomy seems TMI. 

Jenner made her way to Christina Aguilera’s early birthday party to pay homage to the singer who once separated herself from the pack thanks to blond hair and big tits. Though she did have the ability to sing. While Jenner is mostly the tits part plus an autonomic nervous system. Jenner wore another one of the iconic revealing outfits Aguilera did fifteen years and thirty pounds ago to Aguilera’s birthday party. The two kissed on camera because chicks kissing will never ever get old. So says eight million views and counting.

It’s easy to lament the existence of the Jenners and Kardashians, less easy to admit none of us would vote for a world without whores. Even if you don’t frequent them yourself, there’s a comfort in knowing they’re there. For the same reason I keep the number of a guy who assured me he could hook me up with live hand grenades. You never know. Also, grenades won’t give you chlamydia.

_{Photo credit: Instagram}