Irina Shayk Is Throwing Pots and Having Bradley Cooper’s Baby

Irina Shayk is pregnant. Out of decorum, news outlets are refusing to state definitively that the baby belongs to Bradley Cooper who’s been fucking Shayk for almost a year now. Though that decorum makes Shayk seem even sluttier. Truly unfair given Bradley Cooper’s history of fucking anything young and hot that moves and compliments his crazy eyes. Why can’t men be sluts too? We try so much harder.

The celebrate, Irina Shayk re-created the pottery scene from Ghost entirely in lingerie for the Love magazine video advent calendar. In modern culture, Christmas has become largely about selling sex and Playstations. Completely lost have been the traditions of alcoholism, suicide, and hazing Jews. 

Shayk seems to be set at this point. Not bad for a girl from Yemanzhelinsk. Thirty seems so young to cash out. But that’s because you haven’t spent the last eighteen years being fondled by photographers.

_{Photo Credit: Love Magazine}