George Michael’s Marijuana Tasted Like Heroin

Celebrity Deaths 102 continues the education of how famous people’s premature deaths are necessarily disclosed in the form of blatant lies. One thing to know. If they’re gay, it’s never The AIDS. If they’re into drugs, it’s weed. The politically correct recreational habit.

Every story that came out after the pronouncement of George Michael’s Christmas Day death included his decades old marijuana habit, rehab for weed addiction, and a bunch of other THC related nonsense that has Snoop Dogg shaking his head. He’ll live to be 140. Nobody dies from weed without a skateboard being involved. Heroin on the other hand can lead to finding people no longer breathing in their bed on Christmas morning:

“He’s been rushed to A&E [Emergency Room] on several occasions. He used heroin. I think it’s amazing he’s lasted as long as he has.”

This would better explain Michael’s recent arrests and car accidents and ashen gray skin. Look at your stoner buddy. He only has two of those. His complexion is ruddier than Santa’s.

There’s no reason why any man should have to bear his lesser angels in a public manner to satisfy some hypothetical role model standing. Coming out as gay was enough for George Michael. He claims it nearly killed his Greek mother. You have the right to keep your personal opiate habit private. And the right to die in your own bed in a manner prescribed by your own conscience. Maybe we hold off on the beatification until all the post mortem toxicology screenings are back. Also, do check under the bed for dead twinks. They also have mothers.