Barbados Needs a Better Tourism Board (VIDEO)

Barbados is celebrating its 50th year of Independence from British colonial rule. That’s the day they finally told the English to leave, then promptly created four-color travel brochures reminding them how much they secretly liked fucking black chicks. 

To honor the occasion, Barbados most famous citizen, Rihanna, followed in close second by a mascot for watercraft safety, invited Prince Harry of England to get an HIV/AIDS test. As far as anniversary ideas, it’s not super romantic. Prince Harry gets stuck with all the “relatable guy” press assignments for the Windsor family. On the upside, he gets to fuck American TV actresses. On the downside he’s forced to publicly address body shaming and recycling. 

Tension was palpable as Rihanna and the Prince awaited their AIDS results. Sort of like how Andy Cohen described the near vomiting nervousness of waiting for his results, only without the cratered anuses of a thousand men you’ve fucked flashing before your eyes. Rich straight people love making a show of getting AIDS test. It’s not the kind of thing you do on camera if you’re actually in a risk category. More of an ice breaker at soirees. Then you remind strung out dock working prostitutes and truck drivers who spend an inordinate amount of time in rest stop bathrooms to get pricked as well.

Either way, it’s a questionable marketing ploy to connect your tiny island entirely dependent on international tourism with an HIV epidemic. Somebody in the room should’ve fought hard for parasailing.