Run, Don’t Walk, from Madonna Snatch

Having Madonna imply on social media that she’s fucking you hasn’t been cool since twenty years before social media. You can’t blame the old crone for non-stop self promotion into her carved up golden years. Still, you’re going to want to get out of the way of the suggestions you put your dick in that thing.

Idris Elba and Madonna go back a ways. Elba’s been getting himself in sick shape for an upcoming show featuring him as a kick boxer. Because why the fuck not, he’s been doing real world training and taking ring matches in England.

Madonna showed up ringside smiling like he was her boyfriend, complete with hosting an after-fight club party for him where she started posting cheeky snapchats of the two of them. Somebody almost certainly Madonna’s press people leaked stories to the U.K. Sun tabloid about Madonna and Elba being all over each other at the after-party.

Elba is single again but every man has a reputation to consider so he took to Twitter:

I’m the future black James Bond. I do okay with the ladies.

Maybe you two are thick as thieves. You’re still going to want to ask your AARP buddy to lay off the fake stories about you fucking those crusty Kabbalah loins. Madonna’s already swung the election toward Trump with her offer to wet and dirty blow any men who votes for Hillary. Dirty grandma talk makes everybody uncomfortable.

Elba’s for real. Some Tom Cruise level role prep: