Melania Trump Hailed As A Hero

Slovenian president Borut Pahar has reached out to Menalia Trump to congratulate her for “raising visibility of our central-European country.” First of all your name is pretty similar to Borat. That’s not really a name joke, but a jab at the state of your country.

Your most notable native son or daughter is reportedly an ex-prostitute who at some point voluntarily had sex with Donald Trump as the orange dripped off his forehead and stung her eyes. She also has to look at him in the morning while he assembles his hair and listen to him bragging while resisting the urge to stab him with some scissors. This is the arrangement a trophy wife with nothing to offer the world except her surgically altered body agrees to. You tolerate some tool you hate, he buys you a bunch of shit and you never have to get a job. You might even have to pop out a baby at some point. Still, beats assembling rocking chairs back home.

If your country’s greatest export is models who have done like three modeling shoots (including a nude one and a lesbian one) and somehow survived in the most expensive city in the world and then married a douchebag, your country blows. Glad she has raised visibility though, I never would have thought about it otherwise. 

_{Photo Credit: GQ}