Kendall Jenner Turns 21

Kendall Jenner turned 21 so the family dressed her up like Tony Montana’s trophy wife and hosted a birthday party at a rented out club in Hollywood. All the big names in whoring were there. Most notably her sisters, who presented her at the end of the evening with a car she didn’t need and won’t use. Nobody’s still around from the days of Leninist revolution over the Romanovs, but imagine they partied something like this before the big proletariat revolt.

Publicists who trailed the Kardashians into the party were quick to point out that Kendall Jenner’s dress cost nearly nine thousand dollars. It’s unclear the emotion that’s intended to provoke, other than what a waste as I intend to trash that shit while I fuck her blindly. That’s sexist. Also, super honest.

Kendall’s new storyline on the reality show is that she’s suffering from nighttime paralysis. If true, it’s not super uncommon, non-fatal, and usually treated with stress reducing activities such as leaving your fame whore money grubbing prostitute family and becoming an alpaca farmer under an assumed name in a quaint Peruvian mountain village. Or prescription pills.

If you know anything about Kris Jenner who turned her first husband into dead, her second husband into a woman and her daughter’s into ATM’s, it’s that she’s going to storyline her daughter Kendall into at least a mild coma on the pretext of this medical condition. Lamar’s coma served as a great baseline. Comas equal views. Google how much strichnyne the human body can take before complete asphyxiation. Reduce by ten percent and apply. Sweeps week is a killer. Get it? Fuck you. Look at that nine thousand dollar dress.

_{Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Splash}