David Mueller’s Legal Team on Top of Things

Denver radio DJ David Mueller’s legal team claims the leaked Taylor Swift ass-grab photo exonerates their client rather fully. They’re short on specifics, but it’s not like a long term unemployed disc jockey can afford Swift level attorneys.

The photo published by TMZ after extensive moral equivalency discussions in the editorial room shows Mueller’s hand in the snapshot directly behind Swift’s skirted ass. Or where the ass normally would be on a woman who can keep her boyfriends interested. Mueller’s attorney was quick to point out how the photo clearly displays his client isn’t lifting Swift’s skirt. What he’s unable to explain is why his tall client’s hand is clearly in middle school slow dance cop a feel position behind a woman posing for a meet and greet photo. Or why Swift went shrieking to security moments after the picture about some creepy dude grabbing her ass. Her motive for that is what? Fame and fortune? Swift hates men. But her wrath is fairly targeted to album cuts.

There’s wiring in some men that causes them to want to grab a woman’s parts when they can get away with it. We’ve all been out to a bar before with guys like this. We call them friends of friends. That’s somehow comforting. The unwanted touching thing is probably primal. It may even explain why the species abides despite reality television and pop country music. All you need to say is some dude at the office bet you twenty bucks you wouldn’t goose Taylor Swift and half the men on the jury will nullify. Nobody really likes her. You know how these elections go.

_{Photo credit: FameFlynet}