Mariah Wants Fifty Mill to Go Away

If there’s one thing Mariah Carey doesn’t need in life, it’s more money. By all accounts, she’s flat loaded, somewhere in the half-billion range. Nevertheless, she’s punishing her now ex-fiancee James Packer by pushing the idea he owes her fifty million. This is really all that’s left when you break off with a dude who you know can easily fucker younger, hotter, lower maintenance women than yourself within minutes of your breakup. Just thinking out loud.

TMZ has an inside source who wants a little bit of cash themselves reporting the details of Carey’s private demands to her ex:

She claims he got her to move from New York to L.A., uprooting her entire life, so he could be near his kids. 

She claims the incident on the yacht in Greece — where she says he did something awful to her assistant — has traumatized Mariah so much she had to cancel the South American leg of her tour. 

He made various financial promises to her. 

Nobody can seem to pin down what that “something awful” accusation is, but presumably if the assistant is not dead let’s go with “fucked” while Mariah was slumbering hard in a fat suit. Whatever it was it caused Carey to overcome every survival instinct in her body and disembark a luxury yacht with a billionaire aboard wiling to marry her.

Perhaps Carey intends to donate the cash to the same charity as Amber Heard and her seven million from Johnny Depp? Why is that charity’s website showing a 404 again? Must be a glitch. 

Carey obviously doesn’t deserve a single dollar, but fuck it, maybe fifty million will cause stupid ass middle-aged billionaires to stop fucking around with overwrought celebrity pussy. Men get richer, men get older, they never get smarter. You don’t deserve that luxury yacht, asshole. You have zero idea how to use it. Also, Crocs.