Joe Jonas Still Trying (VIDEO)

Who knows if Joe Jonas likes the cock or not. Ten percent of the population is gay. That number rises exponentially among attractive young men in the performing arts. Though the officially out rate in Hollywood remains barely above zero. If you’re looking for a rough way to distinguish, you could merely look at who’s trying the hardest to appear heterosexual. Joe Jonas really works that theme hard.

Jonas and his brothers were raised strictly Christian and all donned the purity rings at some point. There was a period where Joe was never seen without a three day beard growth and a brown leather bombers jacket. In case you’re wondering what trying too hard looks like. There have been constant leaks to the press about the various and sundry celebrity actresses and models he dates and how frisky their romance is. These aren’t investigative journals. They’re regurgitating information from his team and labeling it insider sources.

Jonas went on Reddit for a tell-all where he guided every story back to his clearly manly resume, including losing his virginity to Ashley Greene. He was 21. Super precocious:

I didn’t have any condoms. So I went to our drummer Jack’s room — who was my roommate at the time — and I demolished his room looking for them. [I] found them underneath his underwear drawer. When he came home, he thought somebody broke into his room because his whole room was demolished.

I’m guessing that’s not the first time Jack came home and found his underwear drawer rifled through by his roommate. You put up with a lot when you’re the drummer and your front man meal ticket is diving into your skivvies. For her part, Ashley Greene responded with a vaguely pissed off-Instagram for being used in her ex-boyfriend’s beard cover backstories.

Jonas than added that he’s happy with the rumor that he’s the Jonas brother with the biggest dick and that his new music video with Charlotte McKinney really made him man hard-ish:

There was definitely some half chubbing going on during the video. I wouldn’t say a full blown boner, but I would say a haflie. I mean it’s kind of hard not to in that situation especially when you’re trying to be intimate.

Damn, boy, you sound like one horny young straight buck. 

None of this is truly important. Except for the part about having a half-chub while working with a female partner because that would certainly cause Trump a breaking news story on NBC owned stations. 

Even LBGT groups like to say it’s not their job to out famous people simply to advance their own cause. Though having openly gay famous people certainly advances their cause. It’s hard to imagine anybody damaging the gay-is-normal cause more than a super teen pop music heartthrob pretending to be straight. Please join the military next, Joe. Ask for Kabul station. Send selfies with guns in your camo. Lock this shit down.