Five Bucks Gets You Into Mr. Skin!

Five freaking dollars. That won’t even get you into most 11-inch Subway sandwiches, not if they’re warm and moist like the young ladies Jared used to favor. I spared you the baby cunny compound adjective.

The Mr. Skin $5 Erection Special

If Mr. Skin is for you, you know it. You like seeing naked celebrities because it’s better than anything on television or going to see your kid suffer another 0-fer at the plate in Little League. Not everybody has the eye-hand coordination for a breaking pitch. Every man has enough coordination for a good wank. Why not to Jessica Alba or Scarlet Johansson. Think how much they’d pretend to hate it. That”s what I do. You’re free to invent your own climactic meme.

It’s Erection season. Give yourself a gift before four to eight years of shrunken apple head lady preaching from the bully pulpit. Five bucks. Don’t be cheap when it comes to your dick.