Derrick Rose Borrows from Hillary Clinton

You know how simple minded people are hyper concerned that if the President has lousy personal character it will cause a meltdown of polite society and their children will grow up to be sodomites and soccer fans? They’re right.

Derrick Rose’s defense of his alleged rape of an ex-girlfriend is littered with numerous citations of Rose not remembering what happened so well. Rose’s personal assistant confirmed that Rose doesn’t remember things so well. Super early onset Alzheimer’s isn’t the worst defense. “I don’t remember” is clearly superior to “I forgot” and leagues better than “I’m sorry”. 

Rose’s former booty call who used to be flown around to meet him on the road for hotel room fucking, claims she was drunk out of her legally consenting gourd one particular two in the morning when Rose came over to bang her. Rose defended himself with something very plain spoken, that in 2016 will get you put in sexist prison if Trump weren’t currently taking up all the space:

No is no. I’m never going to force myself upon anyone. When she sent me texts like that 99 percent of the time it ended up in sex, so what do you expect?

It really depends who you’re asking. Me? I feel you, bro. The general mood of the public right now? You just raped you’re whore.

Confusing the matter is the fact Rose brought two of his buddies along to group fuck his special lady that late evening. That seems rather odd until you think about it longer and it seems odd and super gay. 

He-said-she-said-he-said-he-said cases provide some unique advantages to the defense. For instance, you have two witnesses whose cocks were right next to yours at the time of the sexual encounter who can vouch for the explicit consent. On the disadvantage front is everything else. Like, why do you bring two guys along with you to fuck a chick? In the very least, you’re guilty of something.

Rose admitted that the morning after the sex he suspected he’d been setup for a rape charge based on how strangely the woman in question was acting. Though being black out drunk and fucked by three big dudes could also make you a little scatter brained in the morning.

This clearly seems like one of those cases where a rich guy might want to settle for some cash even if he’s only a little bit guilty. Save the trouble and humiliation. Rose seems hellbent on defending his honor, unaware that that was never possible. All he can do now is spend some millions in legal fees to save himself millions in a settlement. The good news is he doesn’t remember so well. In five years tell him he won big and they had a parade.