Ben Affleck Handle With Care

Last year Ben Affleck appeared on an insufferable PBS show called “Finding Your Roots” and it turned out that his roots were people who owned and beat and raped slaves. Affleck is against slavery because he’s really progressive so he requested that PBS edit this out of the show, which they obliged because they’re crusty phonies who want to be invited to one of his parties. It’s still in the mail. Clearly if it weren’t for his family owning slaves, Ben Affleck wouldn’t be walking this planet. It’s not any fault of his own, yet if you want to manipulate history then we’re going to acknowledge it. Plus we all know people from Boston are the most racist. 

It has recently come to light that Affleck’s publicist edited out anything interesting from his press junkets while he was promoting his new film The Accountant, which appears to be a bad SNL sketch. Sam Rubin, a hard hitting morning news reporter, says he witnessed studio people editing his and other reporters’ raw interview footage. In one instance Affleck made a joke about drugs and the footage was never to be seen. Not that Rubin would have used any of this for his shitty puff piece and risk being replaced with an equally talentless drone, but it’s the principle.

Affleck probably had nothing to do with it. In fact he appears to be stoned on edibles or Paxil and auto-piloting his interviews with the enthusiasm of a stuffed animal you win at a carnival. Although he also acts this way in his movies. Perhaps that’s just his personality. While all of this is mildly disconcerting it doesn’t approach the real travesty, that assholes like Sam Rubin exchange their personal and professional pride in exchange for getting to meet Ben Affleck and kiss his ass. Gone Girl has an 88 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. Sit down, Sam. 

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