Norwegians Back Down Zuckerberg

Mark Zuckerberg came under fire from a Norwegian newspaper for deleting a Facebook posted article of the Seven Photographs That Changed the History of Warfare. The article contained that iconic photo of the nine-year old naked local girl running away from a Napalm strike during the Vietnam war. To the Facebook censorship algorithm, it was child pornography.

The Afternposten story was removed and the account suspended. The editor of the newspaper received nothing by way of response save for the automated Rules Policy of Facebook specifically banning tits and vagina and bare-ass cheeks just to be safe. Needn’t corrupt the children while mining their usage data. A Hello Kitty purse? I was just private messaging Cindy about wishing I had one. This is such a coinky-dink.

Editor-in-Chief Espen Egil Hansen penned an open letter on the front page of his newspaper to Zuckerberg high in his tower of squeamish thoughts about nipples:

I am upset, disappointed – well, in fact even afraid – of what you are about to do to a mainstay of our democratic society. I am worried that the world’s most important medium is limiting freedom instead of trying to extend it, and that this occasionally happens in an authoritarian way.

Zuckerberg could’ve responded with a 100-foot tall carbon fiber constructed middle finger rising from his immense Dr. Evil estate, but instead he backed down and ordered the account and article and photo reinstated. Facebook issued a vague apology stating that their entirely mechanized censorship program needs some fine tuning before it can be as arbitrary and cold as the three thousand Moroccans previously employed at eleven cents an hour to review the appearance of possible titty in photos.

Facebook continues to fall back on their rote response that they are a tech company and not a media company. It’s unclear who who might believe that P.R. nugget given they are the world’s largest media company. Facebook provides, aggregates, and disseminates more news and information than any other media channel on the planet. Also, their tech sucks. At least the consumer facing tech. Backend they are a beast amassing billions of points of consumer data daily. 

Facebook is a private company that can easily tell grumbling people using their free service to go fuck themselves. They don’t, which is perhaps their only sin. The false front of neutrality and objectivity. Thai massage parlors don’t need to advertise happy endings. It’s built into the expectation model of having U.S. American dollars in your hot little hand as you sneak into the place. A simple warning notice in decent size font before entering Facebook of all the shit that’s really going on ought to make this a truly free choice. I agree to be privacy butt fucked and lose my account because my second graders pool party photos tipped a visual screening algorithm. Also heart shaped emojis in response to insipid status updates to show I’m emotionally effusive and not passive-aggressively denying my husband sex because I caught him ogling the neighbor at the block party.

Facebook hasn’t changed us. It’s revealed us. As the lights coming on full bore at the bar during closing hour. We suddenly remember we are not an attractive race of people.