Lindsay Lohan Rolls On

Fresh off breaking her engagement to a rich Russian boy she claims routinely assaulted her though she never filed charges and her own online media posts make her look like the aggressor, Lindsay Lohan found a new love of her life. Dennis Papageorgiou. He’s a restauranteur in Athens. Young upscale restaurant owner means you come from money. Also you can wear a ponytail and pretend Lindsay Lohan is a catch all without irony.

According to Lohan’s press representatives posing as friends, Dennis is a real hero who saved her from that Russian zero. The same zero she made her parents public state they thought was amazing and who she graciously allowed to pay for everything. Everything was going swimmingly until somebody had to open that Pandora’s Box of Tanqueray.

Greece offers a nice currency exchange for the actress living off the ebb of her trust fund from 1990’s film roles. Dennis could be the one. He keeps referring to your herpes sores as his favorite freckles in that adorable Greek accent. Lock that shit up. Being barren is a blessing and a curse. Consider back tattoos. They’re harder to eradicate than unborn children.

This is the moment all parents fear. Good luck breaking that shit up, Papageorgious.

_{Photo Credit: FameFlynet}