Lena Dunham, Intuitive Ass Munch

Lena Dunham has many magical powers. The preeminent is living high on the hog thanks to her fan base in approximately five of the nations 43,000 zip codes. She’s Larry the Cable Guy. Different zip codes naturally.

Dunham was on a podcast for her feminist blog with Amy Schumer recalling how she was seated next to Odell Beckham Jr. at this year’s Spring Met Gala and how Beckham completely ignored her in favor of his phone. Beckham never spoke. He didn’t need to. Dunham imagined what he was thinking, and surprisingly it was not kind to women:

The vibe was very much like, ‘Do I want to fuck it? Is it wearing a…yep, it’s wearing a tuxedo. I’m going to go back to my cell phone.’ It was like we were forced to be together, and he literally was scrolling Instagram rather than have to look at a woman in a bow tie.

Clearly the bow tie is what’s keeping you from being irresistible to men. Dunham continued with a few more thoughts that Beckham surely was thinking but not speaking, including how Dunham was way beneath his superficial looks standard. That one was probably right. Upper West Side feminists have now evolved from calling out hate speech to pre-cogging it. Woe be the men attending Metropolitan Museum fundraisers.

Dunham apologized only after even some of her sycophants thought maybe assigning horrible thoughts to men who catch touchdowns for the local team and give to charity was over the line. More of a reiteration really:

My story about him was clearly (to me) about my own insecurities as an average-bodied woman at a table of supermodels & athletes. It’s not an assumption about who he is or an expectation of sexual attention. It’s my sense of humor, which has kept me alive for 30 years.

The thin line of survival of an upscale Manhattan attention hog. You can place that same excuse into the mouths of any man you like after insinuating the personal thoughts of a woman and imagine the hateful Lenny Letter blog posts to follow. Hypocrisy is not as unattractive as Lena Dunham in a tuxedo, but it’s immensely close. 

What am I thinking now, Lena? No, it’s not you cinched up like a roast in anti-body shaming Kiwi lingerie. Think harder.

Photo credit: Splash News