Kristen Bell, Gender Equity Thought Leader (VIDEO)

In between intermittently crying and applauding Dax Shepard’s restraint from ingesting cocaine and whiskey, Kristen Bell works herself into a fevered pitch over simplistic gender equity memes that lack statistical substantiation. The gender wage gap is a favorite among women looking for feminist street credibility. It’s like tagging your gang sign on a particularly sweet piece of freeway overpass real estate. Hey, who’s your homie now?

Kristen Bell is working with the all Millennial white female editorial staff of The Huffington Post to create a hilarious comedic short satirizing the gender pay gap in America. You may not find it hilarious. But whoever paid for it and is pretending to be a news outlet covering it really makes the finally call on the headlines.

The zany premise is that rather than outsourcing work to India or China to save a buck, American companies should look within to hire women, since they supposedly only make 77-cents on the dollar compared to equally qualified men. Satire really works best when sourced in truth. Like the fact that Kristen was a musical theater major from a college she never finished, and has never really studied the research behind wage gap studies.

There is long term earnings gap in the aggregate of men versus women, largely based on continuous years of work, maternity leave, number of job changes, hours flexibility tradeoffs, and to some extent, ardency of wage negotiations. But job for job, all else being equal, men and women are paid the same for performing the same work. You might wish to ask the overwhelming number of women running Human Resources and supervising pay scales. Though that might not give you the answer that fits your preferred injustice chant.

This film short itself manages to explain why the gender wage gap is entirely illogical. If equally productive and skilled female workers truly cost 23% less than the same workers with dicks, any and all companies run by an MBA would hire as many women as possible to cut labor costs. The very same reason these same greedy executives now push work overseas or bring in foreign workers on visas to work jobs in the U.S. Large labor employers don’t want women, they want Mexicans, who actually do work for less. 

Kristen Bell famously spent only $140 on her wedding to Dax Shepard. $100 on the license and $40 paying a dude to make sure Shepard didn’t huff any glue while remembering that college aged boy who touched his privates while he was a a kid. A wedding they refused to have until all people in this land had the right to marry who they wanted. These are good people. Super duper good people. Good is better than accurate. If you believe it, it must be true. Like in Frozen, where Kristen Bell greatly enhanced her multimillion dollar fortune for reading lines into a microphone for a couple days. Wait, what did Josh Gad get paid again? ‘It’s the thought that counts’ is not a defensible economic theory.

_{Photo credit: Huffington Post}