Jolie Preparing for War

Angelina Jolie is gearing up the war team. She really wants those multicultural bundle of kids. After hiring hardcore divorce attorney Laura Wasser in Los Angeles, Jolie has retained the not inexpensive services of Judy Smith, the fame D.C. crisis manager who’s handled blown up shit from Michael Vick to Enron. The entire TV show Scandal is based upon her “cleaner” exploits. For brevity, let’s refer to Jolie’s cadre as Team Super Bitch. Brad Pitt has retained the divorcing services of Lance Spiegel, who’s repped Charlie Sheen, Michael Jackson, and Russell Simmons in their splits. Let’s refer to this as Team Need Me My Own Jew Lawyer.

For a divorce case that doesn’t seem to have any money involved, this will still get very ugly very fast. First strike advantage to Jolie spreading the seeds of Pitt’s drinking and smoking and beating down the kids. According to an anonymous insider Jolie source that US Weekly likely made up:

“Angie says she is going to destroy him. If something is broken, she just throws it away.”

It certainly sounds like Jolie, if you follow the sequential pattern of female body parts and husband. Pitt’s sources are only throwing out “…he’s been crying constantly” which needs to be turned around and but fast. Did Enron cry? Did Charlie Sheen allegedly become too despondent to allegedly tag alleged boy ass?

When the fictitious line comes out that “we intend to remain great friends and work together to parent our children” you’ll know the terms have been settled. Until then, war. Jolie seems to be better equipped for battle. She’s a UN Ambassador, requires no food, and can’t be kicked in the uterus.

_{Photo credit: Splash News}