Hillary Clinton Faints For You (VIDEO)

Hillary Clinton doesn’t look so good. Her partisan faithful are spinning her latest bit of fainting to the ground as the sign of her devotion, but it’s unclear who’s buying except for her partisan faithful. They also believe she swims, does yoga, and lifts weights as Clinton’s team started fast-releasing Amazing Clinton Feats of Strength facts by the minute after the candidate collapsed into a mush pile during a morning of handshakes at Ground Zero to honor 9/11. 

For the first couple of hours, the Clinton team denied their candidate had collapsed, denied she was ill, and denied that it’s been thirty-five years since she gave Bill a hummer. Once they had their story straight, the media team announced that two days earlier, unbeknownst to the world, Hillary Clinton had been diagnosed with pneumonia. Like a mountaineer or an AIDS patient. Clinton’s doctor swore that it was nothing more than this and she’d be the only one who could possibly know since she’s her doctor. The very same one who just copped to sending her patient to Ground Zero with pneumonia. Can’t blame this one on the A-rabs.

About six hours into Faint-Gate, the Clinton team got word out through sites such as this talking point memo blog that having pneumonia and working up to the point of loss of consciousness only made Hillary Clinton more “badass”. That term started diving every which way around the ether like Andy Dick at a David Geffen Sadie Hawkins beach party. 

I don’t need to wait. Seeing a grown woman in designer fat pant suits pass out is clearly the height of bad-assery. You have to downgrade every other so called tough guy who came before for not committing to this level of awesome. Why did Rocky insist on standing after that Apollo beat down? Loser. The bad-asses are here on the mat being fanned by Huma. Clearly somebody at campaign HQ Googled an antonym for “weak” or “sickly” and arrived at bad-ass and hit “SEND” button. Donald Trump is by no means a bad-ass, just a poser who made it through both hours of the 9/11 ceremony on his feet. 

The pneumonia bit is clearly a ruse. How an infection diagnosed this past Friday caused Clinton to pass out four years ago and stumble ever since remains a mystery. Retroactive pneumonia has yet to be discovered. Perhaps the cure was on those Blackberries that were smashed with hammers.

There’s something medically wrong with this woman and in the very least the doctors responsible for her care ought to be concerned they’re going to lie their way into culpability for her demise. Just wait until Trump says something super insensitive about dead people. Hillary Clinton will win from the great beyond. A couple months dead wouldn’t kill her around that waistline.

Pneumonia being so fickle and random, this might be a good time to take a closer look at Tim Kaine.