Douche Wants Jim Carrey’s Money

The loser Scientologist estranged husband of Jim Carrey’s dead girlfriend is suing him for her wrongful death, in hopes that next time a loved one dies he can afford to attend the funeral. Mark Burton just released some text messages Carrey sent to Cathriona White four years ago. It remains unclear how he got his hands on them, but he was listed as her next of kin. It’s pretty fucked up to go through someone’s phone when they’re alive. Quite a bit more so if they’re dead. If you’re doing it in order to extort the person they were currently fucking, you’ve hit rock bottom. Hence the Scientology and frivolous lawsuit.

The texts show Carrey texting some benign stuff about his cock. The supposed salaciousness is that he’s kind of jumping around between talking about the couple’s dead relatives and random horny shit. Who gives a fuck? If you had access to a cell phone you’d realize this is totally normal, Burton:

“Have you seen my cock today? You haven’t let your pill laps [sic] at all since we were apart have you sweety? Sorry I just have a concern because it was a little carefree tonight. You can get a morning after pill if there’s any question.” 

Yep, that guy was fucking your legal wife. Get over it cock smoker. The circumstances of White’s death are a bit strange. She killed herself, potentially with some pills that were under an alias Carrey used to get drugs from a shady doctor. Scientologists are anti-prescription drugs, except the ones living with HIV and other chronic conditions, so they’re completely full of shit. They’re also obsessed with accumulating wealth, and outside of like thirty people in Hollywood, are total fucking losers.

Burton probably has more texts. If this is the best he’s got he can fuck himself. Yet, this is not the worst of a normal man. Probably not Jim Carrey either. The world’s a fucked up place and people are out to get you. Burn your cellphone. Get hammered on Jack and Coke. Cope somehow. Just stay away from the Scientology building. 

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