Brad Pitt, Child Abuser, According to Reports from Angelina Jolie’s Sister’s Friend Who’s Cousins With a Guy at TMZ

Let the games begin. Angelina Jolie is wasting no time leaking tales to the media about her husband’s drug and alcohol fueled rants and verbal and physical abuse of the children. TMZ is biting:

Sources familiar with the situation tell us, Brad, Angelina and their kids were on a flight last Wednesday when he allegedly got wasted on the private jet. He allegedly went wild, screaming and getting physical with the kids.

Crazy ass wife, between five and fifteen kids super fucking annoying on a long flight on a small plane — who isn’t getting wasted? There’s no excuse to ever “get physical” with a child, though if the flight is over five hours and the kids just won’t shut up, jury nullification seems in order. Also, “sources familiar with the situation” is not actually a source. Who was on the fucking plane? Brad, Angelina, the United Colors of Benetton kids, and a small handful of crew. Who’s talking? 

According to TMZ, the police are investigating the matter as is the Department of Child and Family Services. According to the police, they’re not investigating and have never even been made aware of such an allegation. 

Brad Pitt is about to be fucked. It’s unfair, but so is the decision to stick around with an obviously crazy chick who starts mutilating her body and racking up foreign baby adoption miles. Women who hate their fathers make for bad mates. Either dad did something horrid and ruined them or they’re innately messed up angry brats who hate men.

She’s fun at sixteen when she’s dropping out of high school to be a seductive model and move-in with her older artist boyfriend. Still fun when she’s getting kinky with Billy Bob, wearing blood vials, making out with her brother, and using her go-there pussy to steal a woman’s husband. But you have to anticipate the crazy curve on women who are wild in the sack. The party music eventually stops, the lights come up, and she’s got crazy lipstick and just strangled your Jack Russell terrier to death.

When she starts making super self-serious films, joining UN commissions, and throwing you her vivisected ovaries in Glad bags, it’s time to pack. And call your lawyer. You got beat to the punch, Pitt. Bed, lie in it.

_{Photo credit: Splash News}