ABC Reenacts That Moment Nothing Happened to Ryan Lochte (VIDEO)

ABC hit the jackpot with Dancing with the Stars where they get to pay next to nothing in Hollywood terms for D-list celebrities to bedazzle their bodies and foxtrot with heavily made-up midgets who were not attractive enough to be models. They run that shiny bauble shit just as fast as they can produce it. Network television is dying the gunshot wound to the belly death. Slow, painful, inevitable.

Defrocked Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte’s performance on the show was interrupted by two middle aged pudgy dudes walking in front of the judging stand wherein anti-Lochte t-shirts. The only thing sadder than Ryan Lochte dancing in sparkly costume is a Ryan Lochte protestor. Wind that back twenty four hours to two dudes drinking way too much at a soccer club pissed about how Lochte tried to make Brazil look like shitty corrupt and violent place. Or, like Brazil. 

ABC framed the two wandering protestors as dangerous men who rushed the stage, putting Ryan Lochte in fear for his life. Lochte was interviewed about the incident, noting his sadness that people won’t let him put his past behind him. By people he means two drunk dudes with accents. And by his past he means three weeks ago. There was absolutely no nod to how Lochte himself will be bringing up the Rio gas station incident a year from now when he’s been completely forgotten and is 

ABC re-enacted the event like the Kennedy Assassination while secretly kicking themselves the short old dudes didn’t come armed and even accidentally wing somebody. The nation stands on edge with fear of domestic terrorism. No reason you can’t mix some in with a gorgeous ballroom dance in search of your first straight male audience member.

_{Photo credit: ABC News}