Women Celebrate GoTopless Day

Any American dude who’s ever traveled to the topless or nude beaches of more liberal continental Europe knows the visual landscape is one giant trap. Late night cable movies fucked you up with dramatically inflated expectations. Topless anything is a mixed bag when no cover charge is involved. It’s enormous naked German women as far as the eye can see. You’ll never be fully erect again, Tony.

The empowered and gorgeous gossamer feminists of New York didn’t hesitate to take their bare breasts for a round of civil disobedience on GoTopless Day. Mostly overheard were creepy guys with cameras feeling super disappointed. This might’ve seemed like a good idea for your feminist bona fides. But the really successful women know your tits are a power your unleash as needed. To secure a successful man, a job, a better deal on your cable rates. Covering your breasts in public isn’t oppression, it’s just good business sense. 

Way to stick it to the patriarchy, ladies. They’re feeling miserable as they await one good looking among you to tug one out. People whose understanding of animal behavior begins with firmly believing their cat can speak are no match in battle.

_{Photo Credit: Splash}