Ryan Lochte And Friends Lied

Mounting evidence shows Ryan Lochte and his nerd herd of swimmer buddies lied about being robbed in Rio, most likely to prolong the six minutes per leap year when anyone gives a shit about them. Lochte’s story originally sounded bogus as he claimed to have talked shit to the crew of thugs with a gun pointed at his temple. Police in Brazil watched a surveillance tape of the guys returning to the Olympic Village, just hours after they filed police reports, looking jovial and in possession of everything they claimed was robbed from them. Whether its the DNC staffer who was gunned down outside his apartment or these amateur scrubs, any time someone is held up at gunpoint and still has their wallet, watch, and phone, something isn’t adding up. Muggers aren’t doing this like sport fishing. 

Brazilian authorities attempted to seize Lochte’s passport but he’s already back in Florida spreading Zika. The whereabouts of his teammate Jimmy Feigen are unknown, but police are looking for him too. Once they find him I think he should be given a fair trial and then executed to send a message to anyone willing to make false accusations in order to leverage a reality show. More than likely it will be proven beyond a reasonable doubt that the group acted together and lied for attention. Then everyone will forget about it and they’ll probably get the show anyway. That chick Alexis Jones who falsely accused Nick Young of sexual harassment is still out on there giving speeches about girl power even though it’s clear as day she’s a lying pig. People forgive and forget easily these days, it’s a byproduct of America’s moral compass being swung towards Kim Kardashian’s gaping asshole. Don’t throw stones in a glass house. If you do have a good lawyer. 

^{Photo Credit: NBC}

Edited To Add: The three other swimmers, James Feigen, Gunnar Bentz, and Jack Conger have all been stopped from boarding planes out of Brazil and had their passports seized. This seems unfair since the entire thing was clearly Lochte’s idea. Their story has more holes than the bullet ridden bodies floating in the kayaking course. Brazilian police should probably have more important matters to attend to, but to be fair this type of shit probably pisses them off something awful. Do they do the caning or is that some other shitball country?