Paris Hilton DJ’s In Fear, Also, In Spain, We Have Her Address

Paris Hilton continues to hide from Islamic Jihadists behind the veil of a highly publicized artist in residence program at an Ibiza nightclub. If you stop pressing PLAY on that iPod, the terrorists win. Every night you collect your six-figure paycheck for an hour of aerosolizing your herpes shingles, ISIS shrinks by ten men. Most of them now in the club lining up to fuck you.

I’m constantly moving around from one country to another, and I’m a famous person who could be a definite target for an attack, and that is something that sometimes terrifies me.

It’s unlikely that Hilton herself would be the target of an organized Islamic State attack, but you always have to fear the lone wolf. Specifically, the lone wolf not packing an eight ball and a bottle of Courvoisier. Imagine the horror. Semites can be groomed. Broke-ass men are irredeemable. 

_{Photo Credit: FameFlynet}