Malia Obama Smoking the Good Stuff

Kids are total sellouts today. There was a time when the school security officer came by and asked who the joint on the ground belonged to and everybody shut their trap. Now there’s money in ratting. Some kid shot video of Malia Obama at Lolapalooza where she went instead of the DNC to hear Hillary Clinton’s speech because why the fuck wouldn’t you if given that choice.

Obama appears to be hitting off a funny cigarette. Let’s just call it weed for the sake of argument and her being reasonably cool at eighteen and at a rock concert. There’s obviously Secret Service abounding and they’ve obviously been told to let her be a kid as much as possible. A few drags off the roach okay. Topless flashing on the shoulders of a dude with big muscles and tattoos, the muscular dude probably gets tased and shipped to Guantanamo and all footage confiscated.

This had to be laid out by Michelle before the trip. Your dad and I used to get super fucking high before this shitty gig so we understand if you want to experiment too. Don’t do hard drugs or major in theater and we’ll stay off your back.

Thirty years ago this would’ve been a huge scandal. Today, we understand that Trump and Clinton bragging that they never drink or smoke just makes them more insufferable. Do you what you need to be less of an asshole. At eighteen, just do everything. Fuck your dad for ruining your childhood. Start sleeping around pronto.