Fergie Seems Cooked

Every star talks about going out on top. Few do. Jeter put a date certain on his time and left. Big Papi is going out one of the best hitters in the game. Also, ten muscles sizes bigger than he started. A-Rod waited until it was painful. So did Kobe. Money is often involved, but relatively little against amassed fortunes in the bank.

Fergie’s got plenty of cash. Josh Duhamel makes shitty Transformers movies that should go on forever. The baby’s going to eat well. The answer to being forty-one and having a mom body and a former meth addiction isn’t to get fake tits and hope nobody notices. Not that that doesn’t work at all. Though not enough to overcome skin tight leather bustiers.

The Kardashians have the decency to anatomically compact their bug-like thoraxes and limit their caloric intake to sperm and dry cleaning solution. Madonna is still selling out Italian soccer stadiums. There’s a hundred million reasons to keep craning her out of the Kabbalah crypt. You’re doing Pandora promotional events in the Microsoft Town Square. Fifty grand isn’t nothing. Neither is your dignity. Stretch pants and oversized sweatshirts and you’re still a good looking mom at preschool pickup. You could easily match your husband in affairs if you put your mind to it.

_{Photo Credit: Splash}