Amanda Knox Has A New Alive Boyfriend

Seven time acquitted murderer Amanda Knox is having a grand time in her native Seattle boning some asshole hipster who is most likely using her for his own publicity. As evidence, her name is stenciled on his jacket. It’s unclear if they’ll release a sex tape of their satanic ritual fuck sessions. He wrote some stupid ass history book with another guy which was obviously an excuse for gay sex and has that ridiculous facial hair in all of his pictures meaning he lives in Seattle out of necessity to avoid being regularly heckled and ganked by frat guys. Knox recently penned an essay on her personal blog site in which she sounds crazy enough to have definitely killed someone: 

“I’m excited to discover what our shared space will be like, because just as our relationship is more than the sum of Chris and Amanda, so must our home be more than the sum of our stuff. I’m reminded of how my cell in Capanne prison transformed in character with the arrival or release of even just one prisoner. While none of us was allowed much in the way of material possessions, our combined emotional baggage, when bashed together without consideration, could make an already inescapable situation insufferable, even dangerous.”

Ok so you’re guilty. Let’s ship her back to Italy for trial number eight. The two of you are going to make a baby impervious to self awareness. It will release a few R&B albums. Mass suicides will ensue. This could have all been avoided if Italy counted as a real country. How did you escape banging Berlusconi in exchange for clemency? That’s called a plea deal over there. What have you been doing with that eggplant? 

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