Taylor Swift’s Boyfriend Is A Tool

Thou dost protest too much has become an awful cliche. It usually comes in the form of dudes from the South with highlights using the word Faggot before they blow their golf buddy in the woods. Taylor Swift’s fake boyfriend seems to be butt hurt over fake fucking her. To the point he’s making a special effort to let it be known he’s not the victim of a publicity stunt. If clarifying this ever becomes necessary by default it’s time to cut the bitch loose. You’re dating a sociopath. The sex is probably either great or completely awful but nothing in the middle. In the case of Swift, super dry and terrible according to reports: 

“The truth is that Taylor Swift and I are together, and we’re very happy… That’s the truth. It’s not a publicity stunt.”

Are you sure? Does she not own a twelve inch black dildo autographed by Kanye West? The guy’s name is Tom Hiddleson and he’s a British actor with a soft dick. He solely dates public figures, which combined with being English makes him roundly gay. Swift is an ideal beard because you don’t even have to fuck her or buy her shit. Just lie to TMZ and stick it out for a specified period of time. Who’s next for her she’s running out of dick. Get Kyrie Irving on the phone. I definitely still would. Minus the strap on.