Black Widow Laments More Women Don’t Have Amazing Box Office Breasts

Scarlett Johansson was named to a largely bogus list of top box office grossing stars in Hollywood, the only woman in the Top 10. The Box Office Mojo list is based upon the ticket take of all the movies you’ve appeared in, not necessarily starred in, so it’s mostly bad science. As a for instance, Michael Caine gets credited with The Dark Knight cumulative for playing Alfred. Any old British person would do. As in most of life.

Johansson is quicker on the uptake than Jennifer Lawrence who turned the obligatory fake gender pay gap nod into a rant about how her fifty million check was an insult. Johansson modestly noted that she was surprised to learn she was even the list, despite her publicist calling her five times with the news and screaming into the phone. Then she dropped the lamentation that more women weren’t on the list. Though the list has nothing to do with roles for women or pay for women, simply the ticket sales for the movies they’re credited with.

This top grossing list indicates how well you pick monetarily successful movies versus shitty meaningful films that speak to women who don’t actually buy tickets to the movies to support the grand cause. Black Widow gets you half a billion per flick tallied to your count. A Love Song for Bobby Long, $164K. Samuel Jackson and Morgan Freeman are black as night and near the top of this list because they will take a role in anything. Don’t consider if the playing field is level, consider if you’re playing the same game. If money is the bottom line issue, sell the fuck out. Jennifer Lawrence makes tens of millions per year pushing crap products she forgets to mention when discussing discriminatory wage theory. Also, her uncanny ability to marry wealthy.

You covered yourself nicely, Johansson. Deal with shitty politics by vague sympathetic statements. If you were stumpy looking and murdered your enemies, you could be President.

_{Photo credit: SplashNews}