Russell Wilson And Ciara Can Finally Bang

Russell Wilson is about to hit the shot heard ’round the world as he has married his longtime beard. He claims he was not having sex with his girlfriend Ciara for religious purposes. It’s highly possible he’s a zealot and using fake celibacy to help market his line of holy water and lambskin condoms. It’s also possible he’s a big gay, as is evidenced by his gay face.

Regardless, his claim that he wasn’t banging her was made all the more confounding by the fact that she has fucked every rapper on the Billboard charts. Not having sex with your girlfriend seems like a shitty idea on multiple levels. For the same reason you test drive a car. Sex is about 80 percent of the reason people date and get married with the other bonus being someone will have to listen to your dumb stories. Wilson is most likely into missionary sex in the dark and only for the purposes of procreation. They will probably have beautiful bronzed and chiseled children. Having a gay dad isn’t so much of a big deal anymore. Why does the pool boy smile like that? Wax on.

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}