What’s the Opposite of a Sausage Party? (Hint: Taylor Swift Loves Girls)

Taylor Swift only had the most awesome Fourth of July party ever because it didn’t include stupid boys. Boys will say anything to try to put their diddle sticks inside your special flowers. It’s just heartbreak. Girl power to the tune of two hundred million dollars. In your face, past boyfriends. Let’s braid each other’s hair and get very close to making out but not and giggle from too much champagne we drink out of ironic Hello Kitty mugs.

Swift allowed guys to come later in the day so she could show off her new boyfriend, Loki. She made him wear a ‘T. Swift’ tank top and a henna T.S. initials tattoo on his arm. That part’s not a joke, unless you’re a man. You have to measure your dignity against the one in a million chance of being able to pen in your memoirs someday that you poked Taylor Swift in the ass over the balcony of her Rhode Island beach estate. Total fucking gamble. Alright, 10pm, all boys must leave. Girls, back to the rumpus room for guilt-free cake and romantic movies. Best party ever. America.

_{Photo Credit: AKM-GSI}