Zuckerberg Building a Wall

If there’s one thing Mark Zuckerberg can’t abide, it’s inquisitive neighbors catching him masturbating to the porn stripped off his social media apps so there’s more server space for Islamic jihadi communiques.

Zuckerberg’s financial position can be described as rich as fuck. Like other billionaires, he preaches communal living while quietly buying up huge swaths of property on tropical islands to construct evil lairs and space lasers. Zuckerberg shelled out nine figures for a chunk of beachfront Kauai to build his magic castle and secure additional large amounts of properties around the main property for his extended safe space. The Facebook founder announced construction of a wall around the entire land mass to produce a sweet ass Game of War citadel for he and his bride and their twenty-seven semi-automatic packing security guards. The six foot high wall won’t be as impressive as the Trump Wall he’s denounced, but is certain to piss of the local residents whose ocean and lush tropical views will now be replaced with a freeway sound wall.

There’s nothing especially hypocritical about espousing open national borders and deciding your private property should be protected by Fort Knox level rings of security. Though it is entirely self-serving. Like announcing you’re donating the bulk of your wealth to a charitable trust where you are the charity. Why be a billionaire if you can’t do whatever the fuck you want and come off looking golden? When a hump on a regular salary rigs himself up an eyesore it it’s sort of admirable. Rich people shouldn’t be held to different standards of asshole behavior simply because their selfish antics are on a grander scale.

Remember when your wife used to tell you all her mundane shit? Now she tells her Facebook friends. Be thankful and go wash Zuckerberg’s giant wall.

_{Photo credit: The Selfish Giant (cover) SplashNews (interior)}