Snapchat Remains Vaguely Successful (VIDEO)

The lifecycle of all social media platforms is that nobody over fourteen understands them at launch, the dude who invents them makes a billion dollars and gets to fuck a supermodel, and nobody admits to themselves the entire thing is merely a new medium for commercials. Snapchat is the latest to provide untold amounts of wasted time for large swaths of the population no longer content to let their muscle mass decay in front of daytime television. As with real life, attractive popular girls do very well on Snapchat. Everybody else is just there to watch and feign substantial involvement.

Keri Hilson is an “American singer, songwriter, dancer, actress and record producer”, meaning one percent of the adult population could pick her out of a crowd. She turned on her Snapchat and sucked on an entire red popsicle. There are over 500 million Snaps sent per day. Keri Hilson’s rocked the Snapchat world. A dozen Puerto Rican girls outside the bodega on any given sweaty Bronx Sunday repeat this same party trick and go largely unnoticed.

Hilson took to Twitter to respond to the massive controversy. This required multi-social platform communications:

Wish I could blame it on the alcohol, but really I just be trippin all day. Sometimes I forget Snapchat’s not just for my own enjoyment!

It’s easy to confuse Internet broadcasting a video of yourself fellating a missile pop with amusing your friends with a sight gag. That’s not sarcastic. The line of distinction between public and private behavior has been entirely lost. In the case of hot chicks sucking on stand-in cocks, good. All else, bad. Let’s take that Snap number down to ten a day as chosen by a horny high school boy and we might have a worthwhile technology. Otherwise my remote’s allowed me to watch football games and flip to porn during commercials for many years now. I don’t get it.

_{Photo credit: Snapchat/Keri Hilson}