SI Late to the Bruce Jenner Lady Ass Kissing Party

Bruce Jenner didn’t just get tits and a new wardrobe consultant. He became the touchstone media outlets to boost ratings and build LGBT bona fides under the guise of sports celebrity coverage. ESPN busted Bruce’s cherry with their cynically chosen Arthur Ashe Courage Awards. The line of sloppy Caitlyn seconds was long and fierce. Entertainment outlets, fashion magazines, news channels, social organizations, all lined up to applaud Bruce’s bravery in killing a woman then dressing to replace her so the world population lady count wouldn’t change. 

Sports Illustrated has taken a full year to jump the She Daddy train. Time, Inc.’s inclusion mandates aside, the good folks at what used to be a sports magazine took a while to come up with the rationale for a cover story featuring an older man in a sexy sequinned number. The 40th anniversary of Jenner’s decathlon gold in Montreal. Who doesn’t celebrate the big 4-0? It’s the ruby anniversary. The gem, or using the name ‘Ruby’ as your femme moniker at the clubs where married men with questions wander late night.

“For those two days in July of 1976, I was the best in the world at what I did. On the other hand, the decathlon was my best friend, and that was over. I lost my beard.”

Bingo bango bongo, four decades later you’re in a dress wearing makeup teasing lethargic TV viewers with whether or not you’ll ever be comfortable with a cock in your mouth. This is why you turn to Sports Illustrated even outside of their stellar coverage of bikini models without nipples. The world is always changing. Which changes you choose to cover define your pandering rating. SI just killed it.