The Nike Wimbledon Dress Gets Re-Stitched

Wimbledon seems important in those moments you forget it’s a British tennis tournament. Cute. Nobody from Latvia is buying tickets now that you left them paying for Greece’s unfunded DMV worker pensions. Nike designed a tennis dress for their sponsored athletes based largely on 1980’s Hamptons hooker wear. The tennis players universally claimed they were uncomfortable wearing essentially a baby doll in front of hordes of British men only half of whom are wearing women’s underwear themselves. Nike issued a missive to their players:

We need to make a small change to your dresses per Wimbledon rules. Could you please bring them by the Nike Wimbledon House, this is VERY IMPORTANT.

Fuck yeah it is. You’re about to make women’s tennis worth watching. Nike team player Serena Williams was not affected by the recall as she weaves her own Wimbledon tennis dresses out of titanium and circumcised baby foreskins. Nylon hardly holds up well when Hulk smashes. Ever seen those purple pants? Silky thongs don’t retain sweat but they do wonders for ratings. Let’s run this by Title IX before the U.S. Open.

 _{Photo Credit: Wall Street Journal}